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February 13, 2008

Tearing Down To Rebuild by Daily OM

Rethinking Complaining We all know someone who has elevated the process of
complaining to a high art. Sometimes funny, sometimes exhausting, these people
have the ability to find a problem just about anywhere. In its more evolved
form, complaining is simply the ability to see what’s not working, in one’s own
life or in the external world, and it can be quite useful if followed to its
natural conclusion-finding a solution and applying it. However, many of us don’t
get that far, and we find that complaining has become an end in itself. In small
doses, this is not a big problem, but if complaining has become a huge part of
our identities, it may be time to take a good look at how we are spending our
energy.

Complaining is a person’s way of acknowledging that they are not happy with the
way things are. In a metaphorical way, when we complain or criticize, we are
tear ing down an undesirable structure in order to make room for something new.
But if all we do is tear down, never bothering to summon the creative energy
required to create something new, we are not fulfilling the process. In fact, we
are at risk for becoming a stagnant and destructive force in our own lives and
in the lives of the people we love. Another issue with complaining is that we
sometimes tend to focus on other people, whom we can’t change, as a way of
deflecting attention from the one person we can change-ourselves. So
transforming complaining into something useful is a twofold process that begins
with turning our critical eye to look at things we can actually do something
about, and then taking positive action.

When we find ourselves complaining, the last thing we need to do is get down on
ourselves. Instead, we can begin by noticing that we are in the mode of wanting
to make some changes. But rather than lashing out at somebody or an
organization, we can look for an appropriate place to channel this energy-not
our neighbor’s house, but possibly parts of our own. Finally, we can ask
ourselves the positive question of what we would like to create in the place of
whatever it is we want to tear down. When we do this, we channel a negative
habit into a creative process, thus using our energy to change the world around
us in a positive way.

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