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Read the news and have a fabulous weekend….

March 20, 2008

Ponderisms:

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
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2. Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly!)
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3. OK…. so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the ‘Jags’ and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the ‘Bucs,’ what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
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4.. If 4 out of 5 people SU F F ER from diarrhea…does that mean that one enjoys it?
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5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.

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6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
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8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?
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9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
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10. Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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11.. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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12.
If F ed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it F ed UP?
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13.. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
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14. What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
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15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . They’re cramming for their final exam.
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16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
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17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

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18.. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
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19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
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22.
If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?
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23.
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
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24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells…
‘THEIRS’?

Mixed blessing, http://www.forbes.com/forbes/1998/1005/6207058a.html
Peter Brimelow, 10.05.98

A RISING TIDE LIFTS ALL BOATS. Or used to. The three-decade downtrend in the proportion of the U.S. population that lives in poverty ended abruptly in the late 1960s — ironically, after President Lyndon B. Johnson declared War on Poverty. Since then — and despite economic growth — the poverty rate has crept up. It’s now at 13.7%, up from a low point of 11.1% in 1973 (see chart).

Obama Overtakes Clinton, Tied With McCain, Poll Says – Yahoo! News,
http://news.yahoo.com/s/bloomberg/20080227/pl_bloomberg/aj20k269dy0

Michael Jackson faces forced sale of Neverland – omg! news on Yahoo!,
http://omg.yahoo.com/michael-jackson-faces-forced-sale-of-neverland/news/6966

Bernanke signals another rate cut – Yahoo! News,
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080227/ap_on_bi_ge/bernanke_congress

Diverse: Issues In Higher Education, http://www.diverseeducation.com/artman/publish/article_7360.shtml

Spitzer resigns amid sex scandal”, http://www.canada.com/topics/news/story.html?id=1722ada9-2541-4484-912a-b41d794f063f&k=16476. Spitzer resigns amid sex scandal

Culture, fear among reasons incidents are unreported – ��� By Alysa Landry ��� The Daily Times

Discrimination because of disability is crippling students on American Indian reservations, but parents and educators still hesitate to speak out. View Full Story

Intensifying credit fears sink stocks. By By TIM PARADIS, AP Business Writer. NEW YORK – Stocks plunged early Friday as investors worried that a plan to ease a liquidity crisis at Bear Stearns Cos. indicates how severe credit troubles have become. Each of the major indexes lost more than 1 percent; the Dow Jones industrials fell about 140 points.

This is it…a visitor walks into the church building. The
visitor has taken the first step–a giant step. They have
overcome every barrier that has kept them away; fear,
intimidation, social inertia, weekend distractions,
preconceived notions and a million other reasons that have
kept them away until now.

Now, this moment and this moment only, you have the chance
to make a first impression that will forever color this
visitor’s opinion of your church.

A visitor’s first thirty seconds in your church building is
a time when you must get it right.

In Him,

Curt Gunz

P.S. This is the best “Greeters Ministry” information package you will ever see,
http://churchministrysite.com/greeters.html

Please check out this site, it’s called Maroon Five television. I know that you will love it, look for it to be permanently housed in the links, http://www.maroonfive.tv/.

Poll: New Yorkers want Spitzer to quit – Yahoo! News,
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080312/ap_on_re_us/spitzer_prostitution

Obama looks to Miss. for momentum – Yahoo! News,
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080310/ap_on_el_pr/campaign_rdp_2

Prison VS. WORK

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up,
this should make things a little bit clearer.

@ PRISON

@ WORK

You spend most of your time in a 10X10 cell

@ PRISON

you spend most of your time in an 6X6 cubicle

@ WORK

You get three meals a day, fully paid for

@ PRISON

you get a break for one meal and

You have to pay for it

@ WORK

For good behavior, you get time off

For good behavior, you get more work

@ PRISON

The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you

@ PRISON

@ WORK

You must carry a security card

And open all the doors yourself

@ WORK

You can watch TV and play games

@ PRISON

you could get fired for watching

TV and playing games

@ WORK

You get your own toilet

@ PRISON

you have to share the toilet with

People who pee on the seat

@ WORK

They allow your family and friends to visit

@ PRISON

you aren’t even supposed to speak

To your family

@ WORK

All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required

@ PRISON

you must pay all your expenses to go

To work, and they deduct taxes from

Your salary to pay for prisoners

@ WORK

You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out

you spend most of your time wanting

To get out and go inside bars

@ PRISON

You must deal with sadistic wardens

@ WORK

They are called ‘managers’

THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.

Now get back to work. You’re not getting paid to check emails

Day of reckoning for Clinton, Obama – Yahoo! News,
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080304/ap_on_el_pr/campaign_rdp

Hi there,

School’s Out was recently featured in the Washington Post. The article gave a history of our small business. You can read the article here. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/artsandliving/magazine/making-it/030208.html

We also wanted to thank you, our users, for trusting us to keep you up to date with your schools status. It’s hard to believe that School’s Out has been around for over 10 years now.

Lastly, we wanted to remind you to signup for our text message alerting. For less than $2/month you can get alert messages sent directly to your cell phone. It takes less than 5 minutes to signup through our secure server. Sign up here: https://www.schoolsout.com/signup

Thanks!
Ian & Craig

From:
To:
Subject: A washingtonpost.com article

from:
Date: Mon, 3 Mar 2008 17:59:25 +0000

Intimate Rivalries: A Mixture of Pride and Envy

By Shankar Vedantam
The young woman had done well in a recent exam, but was feeling awful because she had just found out that a close friend had done even better. When she confided in social psychologist Abraham Tesser, he immediately recognized that the woman was standing at the fault line of two emotions that each…
This page

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Yahoo! News
http://news.yahoo.com/

BILLY GRAHAMS SUIT. ( I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS AS MUCH AS I DID )

Something heartwarming – nice to see this kind of mail!

Billy Graham is now 86 years old with Parkinson’s disease.

In January 2000, leaders in Charlotte , North Carolina ,
invited their favorite son, Billy Graham, to a luncheon in
his honor.

Billy initially hesitated to accept the invitation because he
struggles with Parkinson’s disease. But the Charlotte
leaders said, ‘We don’t expect a major address. Just
come and let us honor you.’
So he agreed.

After wonderful things were said about him, Dr. Graham
stepped to the rostrum, looked at the crowd, and said,
‘I’m reminded today of Albert Einstein, the great physicist who
this month has been honored by Time magazine as the
Man of the Century. Einstein was once traveling from
Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the
aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he
came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He
couldn’t find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets.
It wasn’t there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn’t find it.
Then he looked in the seat beside him.
He still couldn’t find it.

The conductor said, ‘Dr. Einstein, I know who you are.
We all know who you are. I’m sure you bought a ticket.
Don’t worry about it.’

Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued
down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to
move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great

physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his
seat for his ticket.

The conductor rushed back and said, ‘Dr. Einstein,
Dr. Einstein, don’t worry, I know who you are. No problem.
You don’t need a ticket. I’m sure you bought one.’

Einstein looked at him and said, ‘Young man, I too, know who I am.
What I don’t know is where I’m going.”

Having said that Billy Graham continued,
‘See the suit I’m wearing? It’s a brand new suit.
My wife, my children, and my grandchildren are telling me
I’ve gotten a little slovenly in my old age. I used to be a bit
more fastidious. So I went out and bought a new suit for this
luncheon and o
ne more occasion.

You know what that occasion is? This is the suit in which
I’ll be buried. But when you hear I’m dead, I don’t want
you to immediately remember the suit I’m wearing..
I want you to remember this:

I not only know who I am .. I also know where I’m going.’


May your troubles be less, your blessings more,
and may nothing but happiness, come through your door.

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